I have a vague memory of going to court when I was about nine with my parents, my older sister and my little brother. I don’t think my older brother was there but can’t actually remember. The memory is still there, I think, mostly because it was a variation from the regular routine and because I was told it was important. It was the day that my little brother became legally my little brother.
I’m not sure how many months he’d been living with us at that point but to me, he was already my little brother – obnoxious, fun, and everything that a little brother is. Aside….He was not what I had expected when I told the social worker I was looking forward to a little sibling who would do whatever I told him. She must have had siblings and been laughing inside when I said that. And for the record, I’m glad he didn’t do everything I told him because that would have been no fun, though he might not have had a broken pinky that one time. Anyway…
So to me, the court date was a marker of something that was already true.
Why am I telling you about this now?
Because a court date is approaching. Mid-week next week I will legally become Little B’s mom. Well, it’s actually a bit more complicated than that. The missus and I got married legally shortly before the wee one arrived (shotgun wedding with her HUGE belly along for the ride) in Connecticut. This great city recognizes that marriage so according to them we could go and get a copy of her birth certificate with both of our names on it and badaboom legal mom. Only problem is that our marriage isn’t recognized in a lot of states and so my rights wouldn’t have been recognized there. (When, you ask, well usually it’s only something that people find out about in the most important of situations like sicknesses and hospitals.) So, being the new moms we are we not only have been spending money on diapers and wipes but also sending large checks somewhat regularly to a wonderful lawyer who has guided us through the process of creating wills and the adoption of our child. (Yes, sounds wrong, doesn’t it. She’s ours, she lives with us yet we need to adopt her.) Sigh.
Next week at the court date there will be a brief moment between when the judge signs one piece of paper (taking away all the missus’ rights as Little B’s parent) and signs another (granting us both equal status as parents). In that instant (oh please let it be quick) our darling one is technically a ward of the state. Why, you may ask? It’s because, as our lawyer so kindly explained to us, this state’s adoption laws haven’t been re-written since the 1950′s and assume that one parent is giving all rights to a new couple. Ah yes, loopholes in a law from 60 years ago is allowing me to become my daugther’s mom.
It’s all feeling a bit ludicrous but also overwhelmingly wonderful that finally, FINALLY, this process will be over. I won’t have to be reminded every time we have to talk to anyone about this situation that in the eyes of the law I am not equal. In the eyes of the country, we are not a family… Sigh.
But for this little ear, for this little being – anything.
Do you hear me? Originally uploaded by martha mosquito